When You’re Too Tired to Know What You Need

By Kelly Rovetto, Founder of Re-Femme

One of the hardest parts of cancer treatment isn’t the needles, the appointments, or even the side effects.

It’s the question everyone asks you —
“What do you need? How can I help?”

And the truth no one tells you is this:
Most of the time, you won’t know.

You’re exhausted.
Your appetite is gone.
Your taste buds stop working.
Your brain is foggy.
And your body is trying to keep you alive.

So when people ask, “Just tell me what you need,” it feels impossible to answer.

I wish someone had told me that it’s normal not to know what you need.
That it’s not my job to become a project manager of my own suffering.
That needing help — and knowing what help to ask for — are two very different things.

But here’s what I learned the hard way — and what I want the next woman to know.

You don’t know what you need until you suddenly need it.

One of my biggest regrets was not understanding how much chemotherapy would affect my appetite and my sense of taste. My family lovingly set up a meal train filled with casseroles, soups, and comfort foods.

But here’s the truth:

I wasn’t eating any of it.

Not because I didn’t appreciate it — but because I couldn’t taste it, didn’t want it, or wasn’t hungry at all. The rigidity of a meal train, with scheduled drop-offs and pre-set meals, didn’t serve me the way everyone hoped it would.

What I truly needed was flexibility.

A moment at 7pm when, after a day of eating nothing, something finally sounded tolerable. And the chance to order exactly what my body could handle — right then — without pressure, without coordinating with anyone, without forcing myself to eat what had already been dropped off.

This is why an Uber Eats gift card is such a powerful act of care for a woman in treatment. It gives back choice. It gives back timing. It gives back the ability to nourish yourself when your body finally says, “Okay, now.”

And then there are the needs you never see coming.

After my mastectomy, I didn’t anticipate how difficult simple tasks would be — especially laundry. I couldn’t bend the way I used to. I couldn’t twist, lift, or reach without pain. And I didn’t have a front-loading washer and dryer.

Something as basic as doing a load of laundry felt impossible.

That’s why a Poplin laundry gift card would have been life-changing. It’s one of those things you don’t think to ask for — because you don’t realize how much you’ll need it until you physically can’t do it.

These are the hidden struggles no one prepares you for.

Asking for help is hard when you don’t know what to ask for.

You don’t know what you’ll lose.
You don’t know what will suddenly feel difficult.
You don’t know which everyday tasks will become obstacles.

And that is exactly where Re-Femme comes in.

The Re-Femme Registry was built for this moment — the moment when you’re too tired, too overwhelmed, or too unsure to guide people on how to support you.

It allows women to choose meaningful, practical, flexible gifts like:

• Uber Eats gift cards
• Grocery delivery gift cards
• Laundry service support
• Cleaning services
• Comfort essentials for treatment

It gives your friends and family a way to help that doesn’t add more pressure to you.

Because support shouldn’t be another job. Support should feel like relief.

You don’t have to know what you need. You just need a way for people to help.

If you’re reading this and struggling to answer the question, “What can we do?” — know this:

You are not supposed to have all the answers.
You are not supposed to manage your own care team.
You are not supposed to guide everyone else while you’re trying to survive.

Let the people who love you support you in ways that actually make a difference.

And let the Re-Femme Registry give them the direction you shouldn’t have to provide.

You are worthy of help — even when you’re too tired to ask for it.